In order to function optimally, a family of whatever size needs unity created by mutual understanding, shared goals, a convivial atmosphere and mutual affection. When our kids were small, I was super focused on our family unity by building a family culture that comforts, stimulates and helps all of us thrive. In Kentucky, we had a cozy and loving home where parents and children enjoyed spending time together in a peaceful and fun domestic sanctuary. Outside our professional, educational and essential social activities, we tried not to get too distracted by the outside world so that we could conserve energy and money while spending quality time with one another. Alas, nothing lasts forever and that cozy family atmosphere began to disappear when J1 moved out to live and study on a university campus for the last 2 years of his high school at a STEM academy for gifted highschoolers in Kentucky.
J1 went away but he was not happy about not living at home. He also was not helped properly by the people at the academy to adjust well to a new living environment. As parents, we tried our best to coach him and to stay in constant contact with him to cheer him up almost on a daily basis during his first year away. We believed it was in his best interest to not give up his scholarship and his opportunities for more advanced coursework at the academy. However, working on the project of coaching and keeping J1 motivated on a constant basis both in person and from a distance caused the rest of the family to experience a lot of stress. J1 was extremely shy as an adolescent, and he sometimes was tempted to give up on class projects because he was required to work with peers or communicating with professors. Both D and I sometimes would have to spend a long time talking to him on the phone to persuade him to not give up on a class project or presentation. Many times, I would voice my regret to D about having let J1 apply to that academy, and D would tell us that “We don’t give up in this family!” and that all our hard work will pay off in the future. Well, D is the moral leader in our family, and he knew best, so I relented and tried to carry on as best as I could.
Leading up to the summer of 2024, life had been so stressful that I felt we needed to go on a vacation somewhere in wild nature where we had felt happy together in the past. During D’s early years at Edward Jones when he was still prospecting, we used to go to different resort state parks in Kentucky to enjoy nature and to get away from the daily humdrum. I remembered having always felt restful and rejuvenated in such spots as surrounded by forests, lakes and walking trails. We all would enjoy seeing wildlife such as deers, turkeys, fish, birds, and turtles. We would hike the forest and lake trails and take pictures of sunlight filtering through leaves and mushrooms growing on the grounds or from dead tree trunks. The photos above are snapshots selected from my previous posts about our trips to Kentucky State Parks throughout the years of us living in Lexington and then Campbellsville in Kentucky.
Out in open nature, my soul feels soothed and my spirit expansive. Being in the mountain or next to a body of water–a lake, river or ocean–always help me put back the fragmented pieces of myself into a renewed wholeness. It is a wandering joy that helps free the spirit constrained and burdened by human society’s physical, mental and emotional demands. Going into nature means to me a return to the essential and a sojourn in simplicity.
We drove for over two hours through some impoverished areas to get to Buckhorn Lake State Park in eastern Kentucky. I have always wondered why places of spectacular beauty in America are so far apart from one another and why they are usually located next to or surrounded by poor or rundown communities. I still remember driving for a long time down a very long street flanked by large dismal trailers in New Jersey to get to Princeton University, one of the oldest and most stunning Gothic college campuses in this country. This geographical feature certainly prevents many people who don’t have adequate time and ample energy from visiting quaint and beautiful spots in the country. Once I voiced this thought to D, complaining that many Americans won’t get to see how diverse and beautiful their country is if their lives are busy or if they don’t have a lot of money or energy for traveling. D said the U.S. is not a country but a continent.
At Buckhorn Lake State Park, we did not take any photo, which was unprecedented. It was the first time ever that we went somewhere together for fun and didn’t bother to take out our phones to take pictures. We were either too tired or just enjoying not doing anything much except being there together. D and I sat together on the uncomfortable stiff vinyl furniture in the cabin’s living room and read our books. J1 and J2 sat in their beds in their rooms and played video games on their laptops. We ate together at the basic wooden dining set next to the window overlooking the woods. We also ate together on a picnic blanket next to the lake with bumblebees surrounding us about their business of sucking honey from tiny clover flowers amid the grass. Paying attention to the movement of the bees helped distract me from my own weariness and whatever worry weighing on my mind at the time. Next to the lake, my focus shifted among the bees, the clouds and the lake surface glitteringly lit up by the sun.
At one point, J1 and I sat side by side in silence on a bench next to the lake. Neither one of us felt the need to say anything to each other. I tried so hard to coach him to hold on and to do his best throughout his first academic year at the Gatton Academy. He was so tempted to give up especially during the first semester and we would not let him. After all the pep talks and outbursts of anger and frustration, there was nothing more to say. He bent down his head and watched the bees intently while I watched the mesmerizing lake surface. The lake that day dazzled and sparkled like an undulating sequined magic carpet carrying my spirit away from the inevitable pain of living and loving.
At one point, all 4 of us lied on the picnic blanket right by the lake doing nothing. It was a rare moment of idleness for me and D who are so used to working and striving. It was the pause and simplicity that we needed before the next push. As it was still early in the season, the air that day was not yet so humid as could be during the height of summer in Kentucky; however, it did not feel light and transparent either. Kentucky’s summer air tends to be heavy-laden with oppressive humidity, causing both physical and psychological sickness. Not too far away, a man on a riding mower was disturbing the peacefulness and serenity, which is what people in Kentucky love to do with their mowers. Not many people want to leave silence be. Someday I would love to live in a place where the people are silence lovers.
Another memorable moment for us also took place next to the lake. One evening, we made a bonfire using a roll of toilet paper and dry sticks scattered on the lake shore. As the light dimmed down in the sky, fireflies made their appearances and pulsated near and far. I feasted my eyes on the dance of the flickering fireflies. We felt primitively excited as our fire got fed by a light breezy to become a roaring flame that chased away the evening chill. All 4 of us huddled around the fire, sitting on rectangular rocks. J1 caught hold of a frog and dissected it using his stick. He seemed so focused on it. I was just feeling happy to be there with my family next to a lake and a healthy bonfire while witnessing a dance of the fireflies. Somewhere on a shore in the distance, another fire came into life.
Bold, Slow and Intentional 