Author: LND

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

I find this poem to be deeply comforting, inspiring and liberating. It addresses the human instinctual need to belong. Our separation from nature and from one another is an illusion fed to us by superficial society and the modern world where physical boundaries as well as narrow social criteria define, judge and restrict our sense of being. This unnatural fabrication of separateness has resulted in devastating feelings of alienation and loneliness.

In a higher reality, we, each and all, belong with one another and in creation. Here, the wild geese call to us to let our imagination soar beyond the low-grade, cliché understanding of civilized society to claim our rightful space in the created world.

Poem’s source: Poet Seers » Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

This is one of my favorite poems by Mary Oliver (1935-2019), an American Pulitzer Prize winning poet. In The Summer Day, she guides us to notice some of the smallest details in nature while asking us the biggest, deepest and most important questions concerning our existence. Here, the micro and macro visions of life blend perfectly.

This poem came from the Library of Congress website: The Summer Day | Library of Congress

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Early fall in the natural world

In early fall, one of my small pleasures is to go out on the lake in the early morning right before sunrise to look at the congregation of ducks, geese and swans on a small, newly-emerged island near our shore. They usually scatter when they see or sense me coming near. Once a heron took off into the foggy mist as I approached, and the vision of those grey, graceful wings flapping and disappearing into the foggy shadow floored me to the ground in awe. There was something a little eerie about that whole scene which could be used as a portentous setting for a Stephen King novel.

Right after that brief eerie moment, the sun started lighting up the sky and then proceeded to touch the treetops.

At the Stillwater Scenic Trail, walkers enjoy witnessing the trees turning yellow on the walking trail and many trees around the lake turning red.

In mid-September, the transformation was at its early stages:

Now in almost mid-October, the autumnal transformation is nearly in full swing:

What’s up, summer 2026?

A stay-at home summer

We had planned a family trip to Norway this summer and then changed our mind after our abysmal air travel experiences to South Florida during Spring Break. The airports and airplanes were overcrowded and super-chaotic with families with small children, sometimes even crying babies, which triggered my anxiety. I fell off the bed in Florida in the night and had to move through the airports in a wheelchair on the way back home. Never again would I travel to anywhere during high tourist seasons! Traveling is supposed to be a means to escape the stresses of daily life and to provide a relaxing and rejuvenating experience. However, that has not been my experiences during our recent trips when we were in airports and airplanes with so many people and families with crying small children as well as inconsiderate old people. Long lines at airports’ security checks and the sheer number of people traveling during high tourist seasons seem to bring out the stress and subsequently the worst in many of us.

It turned out to have been a sound decision to cancel the Norway trip as this summer unfolded into one of the busiest and most productive in our family chronicle. I also enjoyed staying home this summer because the weather was most pleasant–cooler in the morning and evening and not too warm during the day. There was a couple of heatwaves which did not last for more than 2 or 3 days, but the rest of summer was delightful weatherwise. Oh, nothing can compare to the joy of staying home and the peace of not having to deal with traveling headaches and complications.

A new understanding of J1’s developmental and social struggles

This summer, the headline for us was that J1 has level 1 of ASD or Asperger’s Syndrome. After the diagnosis, there was clarity and relief for us concerning his history of struggling with social interactions, his difficulties with emotional regulation, and his problems with remembering such basic self-care activities as showering or changing clothes. J1’s transition from childhood to adolescence and through adolescent stages have been most stressful for our family and especially for me for many years now before we learned of his ASD this year. We simply couldn’t understand why he could never remember the most routine activities to take care of his body hygiene and maintenance. I even thought of him as being careless and lazy at one point. I suppose it has been hard for us because for J1, crossing the threshold between childhood, when life was simple and joyful, and older adolescence, when life became more complicated and challenging, was tremendously difficult to navigate for many reasons. He not only has Asperger’s Syndrome but also hypersensitivity as well as generalized anxiety disorder.

We used to have big dreams for J1 about which prestigious schools he could attend because he had shown academic giftedness especially in scientific subjects. However, after many years of painful emotional struggles starting when he left home to live and study at an academy for gifted high schoolers on a college campus in Kentucky, I have wearily given up on any grand scheme for J1’s professional future. I earnestly want him to be first and foremost healthy physically and mentally. J1 is currently a university student majoring in physics and minoring in math. We are staying in touch with him on a weekly basis to make sure he is building good self-care and study habits so that he can fulfill his academic obligations while managing his stress and anxiety which tend to intensify when he is tired or doesn’t have enough sleep.

As to his professional future, I want to remain open-minded as of this current moment. Our family motto has always been ‘First things first’ or ‘Ruthlessly Prioritizing,’ so I try not to think too far ahead. Besides, we will try to do our best to take care of the present while hopefully being able to form some plans for the next steps and then the following next steps, so on and so forth.

I think of and pray for J1 every day and night. I sincerely hope that my prayers for him are and will be answered. I honestly don’t know what else I could do now that he is 20 years old and living away from home. His life path and maturing journey will take their courses with their twists and turns, and all his parents can do is to do their best to support him navigate the painful and difficult processes of growing up and finding his footing in this confusing and confused modern world.

J2’s book-signing and book fair activities

We self-published J2’s book on Amazon in February:

Amazon.com: Behind the Wall of Fantasy: 9798249425487: DeBrot, James: Books

An article about J2 and his book was published in the Apple Valley Breeze: Smithfield’s Debrot publishes first book at age 13 | News | valleybreeze.com

J2 has subsequently created his own website: jamesdebrot – Official website of James DeBrot

D is the main driver behind this enterprise and has worked with J2 throughout this summer to promote his book at book-signing events at Barnes and Noble stores in Smithfield and Warwick as well as through local book fairs.

Our lake in summer

Almost every morning this summer, whenever opening the bedroom window upon waking up, I would look out on the left to Georgiaville lake. Due to the obstruction of the many trees in their thickest summer foliage, I would usually be able to see only a small surface of the lake, but any glimmer of the water reflecting the morning sunlight or even of just ripples under an overcast sky would send me the signal that another day has begun. After my bathroom routine, I would then proceed to go downstairs to look at a bigger portion of the lake surface straight ahead from our small balcony and would soak in the view. Our lake has an almost daily visitor that has never failed to enthrall me: a misty ghost crawling, curling and swirling on the water.

Here is the ghostly mist in action in July:

Here it is again in August:

When J2 started school in late August, we would have to get up at 6am and get him to the bus stop around 6:45am. After dropping off J2, I would get back home to a quiet neighborhood in the cool morning air. I would sit in our little garden to soak in the quietness and enjoy the solitude. Then I would walk down to the lake to just be there by myself.

Princess Leia entered into our life and turned it to a new page

Our family life never felt the same after Liam, our blond Maine Coon cat, had been returned to his first adopted family in Lexington in the summer of 2024. We returned him so that we can downsize from a 4-bedroom house in Campbellsville, KY, to a 2-bedroom apartment in Bowling Green where J1 was attending the Gatton Academy for gifted students in math and science and where D opened his financial planning office serviced by Commonwealth. We also wanted Liam to be united with his first adoptive “mother” and with the other cats living in her house. He had been restless, trying to leave the house on several occasions, and had shown a longing for being around more creatures like him towards the end of his stay with us. In Lexington, he ended up being reunited with his brother and old friends, which made us happy although we were sad about not having him with us.

During that gap year in Bowling Green without Liam, we were extremely busy going through many kinds of transition. We were also in the midst of the preparation for our big move east. D especially was under tremendous stress due to the threat of lawsuit from the evil Edward Jones Investments while simultaneously working extra hard to retain good clients so that we would have income. I and especially D suppressed any nostalgic emotion we might have had about Liam or our previous stable existence in our cottage on High Street.

Liam’s absence was finally and acutely felt after we have settled into our townhouse in Smithfield, Rhode Island. D felt it the most, I believe, because he always feels very attached to pets whereas I am more attached to people in general. I did not grow up with pets in my original family in Vietnam, which conditions me not to feel a need for and a strong bond with domestic animals. Liam changed all that as he restored me back to good health and humor during my seasonal illness bout that autumn when he came to us. Not only did he spend time keeping each of us company everyday but his presence, innocence and playfulness contributed immensely to the coziness in our cottage on High Street. We simply adored him–his good looks, charm and sweetness.

Liam’s absence partly led to D’s depression leading partly to the near breakup of our marriage. As our relationship was on the mend in May, we adopted Leia. Three days after she entered our house in Smithfield, our life together turned to another page, a fresh new page showing “writings” of renewal and new domestic joys. Thanks to Leia, this new chapter of our life, when both our kids are much older and we are officially in middle age, promises a return to cozy conviviality in our home and hearts. Although Leia is not as fluffy and innocent as Liam, she is more playful, cuddly and affectionate with intelligent eyes.

A natural way to soothe the tense nervous system through a heatwave

We had a heatwave that lasted for 2 or 3 days some time this last June. Although most people here have air-conditioned homes and go to work in (sometimes heavily) air-conditioned buildings, I sensed people’s collective stressful anticipation of and suffering from the excessively hot temperatures outside. I myself was most uncomfortable physically during the ultra-hot days regardless of the existence of air-conditioning. Our home felt stuffy to someone like me who is not used to living in spaces constantly shut in and pumped with forced artificial air.

To help soothe my nervous system, since I’m hyper-sensitive to the collective stress and anxiety in my environment, and to ease my feeling of being shut in during those oppressive days, I decided to bring nature indoor. I would go down to our garden early every single morning to enjoy the fresher, cooler morning air and to cut hydrangea blooms for display in strategic spots in our home. The hydrangea blossoms were arranged and displayed where I would be most likely to not only look at them while passing but to gaze at and contemplate them as well. Something about the freshness and unspoiled beauty of nature that would always act as healing balm on my strained nervous system and weary soul.

 

Our late-spring indoor garden

Repotting these flowers in our home was tiring but gave me so much joy. I suppose this time I succeeded in exerting myself physically for beauty’s sake without damaging my health. It was a tremendous “win” that boosted my spirit, enhanced the look of our house and invigorated the feel in our home. I believe that, after many physical and emotional struggles throughout winter and spring, I finally achieved a sustainable sense of renewal by the end of this spring. It is fitting that my eventual triumph would be marked by the presence of flowers which are among my most beloved temporal things.

A spring moon

The faithful moon was my friend and witness through my tough winter and spring seasons filled with troubles and heartbreaks earlier this year. Just contemplating the moon would instantly soothe my weary soul.

Spring blooms

I have been obsessed with weather news lately. My own experiences living my life and observing the shifting moods of other people according to weather events have led me to believe that human beings’ emotions and behaviors are more fundamentally affected by climatic elements than we are aware of or are willing to admit. I started thinking about how weather phenomena affect our bodies, emotions, psyche and life activities 20 and a half years ago in Missouri, USA, when I went to the hospital to give birth to J1. The nurses there told us of a curious phenomenon being that many women would go into labor during snowstorms. I myself notice that there are usually more ambulances rushing on the street whenever there are inclement weather events such as heatwave, thunderstorm or snowstorm.

I especially noticed weather’s effects on people’s health and emotions while living in Kentucky where summer is hot and humid and winter is usually unpredictable. During summer in Kentucky, the atmosphere always feels heavy due to the oppressive high humidity, and the people themselves would look heavier in their bodies as well as appear to be in a bad mood. The air would feel thick like transparent soup and the community would suffer a health slump. All my health problems leading to anxiety and depression started during summer 2018 during such a collective health decline. The summer mood of people in Kentucky would always correspond with the weather which would usually be stale and stagnant.

Along the same vein of how weather controls human health, emotions and behaviors, earlier this year, as the winter cold gradually gave way to a warmer spring feel in the air, the heavy burden of my marriage crisis started feeling lighter on my heart and mind. As the trees and flowers started coming back to life, D and I both felt that our relational wounds were on the mend.

As the sunshine became stronger and nature resurrected, we started doing what we do best: walking together hand in hand to witness the beauty of nature around us. We walked together on our lake trail to see the pine trees coming back to life and the saplings pushing their ways upwards through the earth. We took longer walks around our neighborhood and area to notice the budding of wildflowers or the flowering of plants in people’s gardens. In this area, spring showed off such exquisite flowers as peonies, rhododendrons, azaleas, irises and some others.

We especially took a delight in noting the budding and flowering in and around our own little garden.